There were a lot of heated words that came out of my mouth tonight and…I still feel I had some valid points. But…I was out of line to a lot of people and I think I need to make some clarifications, but more important, some apologies.

1. Avina. Avina and I have had a lot of private toss ups lately about RP lately. I was pressing for RP to go more mission based - and I admit that I had some selfish and self-centered reasons for that to happen. I wanted the plot to advance for my own selfish gain. Avina and myself clash a lot, but Avina does work hard to run this group and keep everything going and everyone happy - I know I couldn't handle such a task. Avina has had to bear a great deal of my temper on a lot of things recently - the fact that Avina will continue to talk to me despite it all is a testament to patience.

2. Saerun. Last night a lot of my issues came at frustration from wanting to be part of the mission RP, yet also wanting to stay committed to the current RP I was tied into as well. I made a lot of poor decisions in my word choices - I made it seem like I was blaming a really good friend of mine on how things happened. I would never, ever intend to do such a thing, but I did a horrible job of expressing my frustrations. No one caused the night to go the way it did with any malice or intent to anyone - and I shouldn't have painted the picture in that light. I really, really am sorry for my rash behavior.

3. Everyone Else - It's no secret that I am upset about a side plot that was started a long time ago. I was upset that ICly Jericho had finally found someone to love and give reason to why he does this adventuring lifestyle in the first place. It was a plot that I didn't want to happen, yet despite protests, still occurred. Jericho is very much like myself - a very passionate and emotional person. I couldn't see any other way to properly play him than the downward spiral he was on. Yes, he was instructed that she was fine along the way and he shouldn't worry about him, but it still wasn't enough for him - and it was, unfairly to others, not enough to me. I was getting too attached to having someone close for Jericho in RP that I was just infuriated at it ending. But…that's not fair to a lot of people. I may not be happy at the plot that was constructed - but there are people in it who are happy with it, and wanted to do it, and I should not let my anger or frustration ruin it for them. Nor should I want to rush other people's plots so that my goals could be reached once more. Nor do I want anyone to think I haven't enjoyed anything that has gone on lately - that is part of what set me off tonight, when it was mentioned that some people have forgotten the good socials of the past. I certainly haven't; I think we've had some of the best socials in a long time in recent months. I also felt anger at being told how I play my character is wrong or that I should be doing a better job of getting my character unstuck. I don't know how I still feel about that - but I took offense and I twisted it the wrong way. To everyone who had to bear witness to that tonight, I apologize.

I hope people can understand and accept my apology - but, I can't end it without saying one thing.

I still feel very stuck. I am locked in a vice of how I think a character should react to things. I started a plot that wasn't a plot just to give Jericho 'something to pass time with' that had a lot of potential for development in my head, but none ever came up. I don't feel I got a time to shine - and I'm not necessarily saying I want or deserve it nor that others don't deserve theirs. I just don't know what to do anymore. I find it difficult to think a character can be played normal when something so precious to them is taken away and they cannot do anything about it. THIS IS NOT A FAULT OF ANYONE ELSE BUT MYSELF. But I do not know how to handle. I might still leave the RP after CoP, but this is no one else's fault, I just don't know how to cope with all this.

We all have these moments… I don't think it's necessary to beat yourself up for it. Frustrations build up and we get angry and say some rash things. An apology like this is nice; but really, I understand. Anyone who has been with the RP group long enough seen me flip out and completely lose my shit before as well, haha. :P

With regards to your character, I think that all people last night were trying to say is that, at least for a lot of us, we have some pretty unexpected and nasty things happen sometimes that we don't particularly want to happen to us and our characters. From hackings, to internet outages, things happen that we just don't want to, but you end up either quitting or adapting over it. I suppose that's where a lot of the confusion was over… a lot of people learn to adapt the character and, although it was phrased in a somewhat challenging tone, were challenging you to take control of your own character more and not let yourself be completely left to your character's mercy.

I think leaving RP after CoP would be pretty rash. Perhaps a break would be needed if you felt it were necessary. Obviously if you simply will not enjoy it, you should not do it. But there are other options, such as RPing a 'new' character using your account, like with how Nodem does with Ryder, Obtuse has also played different characters on the same account. I also feel like, after Chains of Promathia is done, you would arrived at the point you've been wanting to get to since this side quest happened, so I feel like it would in a ways, be a waste to leave at that point.

As I said last night to some of you, try to understand that there's a lot more going on behind the scenes that you don't see. The RP is, and should be, ultimately a product of everyone who is involved; we don't recruit new RPers so that they can just fill in gaps for our stories, but for them to play out their stories as well. Sometimes it doesn't go how you want it, sometimes it doesn't go how I expect it to go either. It is what it is. With so many competing interests I have to strike a balance somewhere. This doesn't mean though that some characters need to get shafted; not at all. But if you want to have a moment, and command the spotlight, talk to me. I work with everyone to help set up events that highlight their character in some way. You are entitled to that, and everyone here has been very receptive to giving people attention when they need it. So if you feel like you are due for a moment, get in touch with me. Let's figure out something.

We all have these moments… I don't think it's necessary to beat yourself up for it. Frustrations build up and we get angry and say some rash things. An apology like this is nice; but really, I understand. Anyone who has been with the RP group long enough seen me flip out and completely lose my shit before as well, haha. :PAvina

100% Agree with that. I have my own dose of these moments myself.
As much I could say I accept the apology, I should first mention that I wasn't personally feeling offended nor hurt but anything of what happened or was told last night, so this probably isn't addressed to me. I'll say np just in case :D

I'd really miss you if you quit and totally think you shouldn't, though yeah if you feel you need a break I can understand. That being said, I think we can all work out on ways to help you get unstuck IC, you are not the first character that had this problem and we did help with this in the past (some accepted the help and some didn't, it's one own's choice). Here's the two things I have to say.
1: I have already said this but I'll repeat it just in case, although now that Sae is back with us IC (Sorta o.O?) I don't even think it's necessary anymore. There's one good reason to get in the mission RP and that is simply wanting to save the world. Sure, Jeri loves Sae and wants to protect her. But wouldn't that imply save the world she lives in as well? Protecting Sae alone won't do much if the wyrms just destroy Vana'diel thereafter, her included. That alone might be a plenty honorable and just reason to take interest in missions.
2: There are other people Jericho can get close to. I'm only going to mention my personal experience, I can't speak for others… But Kenjii did feel close to Jericho and there was even a time he'd look up at him. Sure, he sorta lost some of his respect for Jeri when he saw how someone as strong as him would let himself grow weak because someone he had just met had gotten injured in Promy (especially when it wasn't even Jericho's fault). But that doesn't mean Kenjii will never like Jericho again. A show of courage, or pride (like joining to help and save the world for example, too) or anything positive would be more than enough to open their friendship again. But Jericho needs to look at others in order for that to happen. If he focuses only and only on one thing or person that will unlikely work. A girl is important, but a man should have more than one important things. Family, friends, home nation… anything can work. So if you feel stuck because you are unable to move when Sae isn't available (for OOC or IC reasons) you should consider that there are others that will support you too, but you have to do your part on it too. I kinda share this problem, and I'm doing my best to work on it (even at the cost of spending many out-of-schedule RPs talking by myself IC…) and I feel you can accomplish this too.
3: If you feel your character really can't do anything of this then maybe you could try and come up as another character like Avi suggested, just to let your mind take a break from the stress. There are many things that can be RPd out of your own scenario, people come up with new ideas everyday (I know I know, especially me… I can't help it.), so I'm sure you can find something that will catch your interest. And if nothing like that is there, create your own scenario and see if Avi OKs it!
Ok I said more than a couple things lol… but I hope I made my point. Cheer up Jeri!